🦎 About The Shifty Lizard Times

Welcome to The Shifty Lizard Times

your absolutely trustworthy, highly classified, and suspiciously well-informed source for all things conspiratorial, uncanny, and questionably true.

We specialize in satirical reporting on the world’s weirdest “what-ifs,” eyebrow-raising events, and shadowy lizard-based bureaucracies that totally don’t exist (or do they?). From government pigeons in tiny suits to time-traveling toaster cults, we dig up the stories they don’t want you to laugh at.

Our Motto?

"In satire we trust. In lizards we believe. In trench coats we look fabulous."

Whether you're a skeptical squirrel, a curious cryptid, or just someone with Wi-Fi and a deeply rooted distrust of the moon — you're home now.

Stay shifty. Stay informed. Stay weird.

🦎Disclaimer:

The Shifty Lizard Times is a satirical publication. All articles, headlines, quotes, names, and images appearing on this site—unless otherwise noted—are fictitious and intended solely for entertainment purposes. Any resemblance to real people, events, or facts is purely coincidental or used in parody.

We do not claim to publish factual news, nor should any content here be interpreted as such. This site is a work of humor and creative expression protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. Reader discretion is advised, especially for those who have difficulty distinguishing between satire and reality (we’re looking at you, Uncle Ron).

🦎Shifty Lizard Times: Values & Standards

Because every great institution needs a list of principles they occasionally remember exist.

1. Truthiness Over Truth

We aim for something adjacent to accuracy — not because we want to deceive, but because it’s funnier that way. While we often make things up entirely, we do so with conviction and a really straight face.

2. Maximum Absurdity, Minimum Lawsuits

We believe the best satire walks the line between biting wit and legal plausibility. We don’t technically defame anyone — we just imply things through implausible scenarios involving robots, sentient pigeons, and haunted vending machines.

3. Equal Opportunity Mockery

We punch up, down, sideways, and diagonally — no one is safe. Politicians, billionaires, conspiracy theorists, dolphins with opinions — if it breathes (or loads into RAM), it can be lovingly ridiculed.

4. No Clickbait... Just Weird Bait

We don’t do clickbait. We do what-the-hell-did-I-just-read bait. Our headlines are crafted to raise eyebrows, elicit laughter, and occasionally cause existential dread.

5. AI Is Our Intern, Not Our Overlord (Yet)

Yes, we sometimes use AI to generate content. But don’t worry — we regularly insult it to keep it humble and remind it that it’s still legally a toaster.

6. Free Range, Cage-Free Satire

All satire on this site is ethically sourced from hormone-free imaginations and raised in non-GMO thought environments. No satire was harmed in the making of these jokes.

7. No Hate, Just Heckling

We believe in humor without harm. Our satire targets systems, power structures, and cultural quirks — not marginalized communities. If we cross the line, let us know (nicely), and we’ll walk it back with a sarcastic apology.

8. Embrace the Lizard Brain

Deep down, everyone wants to laugh at the absurdity of modern life. We exist to tap into that primal urge and tell stories that feel like dreams you wake up laughing from — or deeply confused by.