Aliens are from Mars and they are RED.... NOT GREEN.
The Shifty Lizard Notes: Cameras were not allowed at this event, images are artist renderings of the event.
Published: 4/10/2025
By Ronin Pickle, Chief Editor
Breaking News: Martian Press Conference Redefines Earthly Stereotypes of Aliens
In an unprecedented interplanetary event, red-skinned Martians descended
upon Earth for a cosmic press conference, aimed at clearing up centuries
of misconceptions. Addressing an eager crowd of journalists and curious
onlookers, the charismatic Martian ambassador—glowing red and donning
sunglasses despite no visible sun—opened with a declaration: “Humans, we
come not in peace, but in truth! Also, red is undeniably the best
color.”
The aliens, who hail from the aptly-named Red
Planet, showcased their affection for Earth's "red-themed" cultural
phenomena. From tomatoes to fire trucks, their slideshow left the
audience marveling at their dedication to Earth’s crimson
contributions.
But as reporters attempted to understand their
message, chaos quickly unfolded. A news anchor from “Desert Scoop
Network” mistakenly asked if their red hue was caused by Earth’s famous
Arizona sunsets. “Sunsets? No! It’s our natural Martian glow!” the
ambassador shot back, sounding exasperated. Tensions rose as they
explained their skin was not related to iron oxide, nor was it the
result of a cosmic sunburn. Martians revealed their true wish: to be
celebrated for their red uniqueness rather than misunderstood.
Chaos Ensued...
Graphic artist rendering of Marco Rubio shouting -"I like yelling too!" over, and over
What followed can only be described as intergalactic slapstick: camera
crews tripping over Martian tentacles, VP Vance offered the visitors
ketchup (which was mistaken for an offering of “Martian holy water”),
this treachery deeply offended the martians. Vance reportedly threw a
tantrum, shouting "Did they even say thank you once?" - several times,
while criticizing the martian's ceremonial robes Amid the mayhem. But
not all was lost, humanity managed a breakthrough. A brave journalist
stood up and asked one profound question: “What’s your favorite thing
about Earth?”
The answer?
“Your passion for pizza—especially pepperoni. We’d like to franchise
it on Mars.”
And so, while the press conference turned into a swirling
mess of misunderstandings and spilled condiments, a bridge was built
between worlds. Humanity learned a valuable lesson: never judge
extraterrestrials by their shade, but rather by their taste—literally
and metaphorically.